Age Is Just A Number But Yours Is Getting Worryingly High Card

Happy bloody birthday — another year of deep breaths, fake smiles, and convincing the world you’ve got your shit together (spoiler: you don’t). But hey, you’re doing amazing, sweetie.

• A6 size (10.5 x 14.8 cm) – perfectly sized for emotional baggage

• Printed on high-quality matte card (because glossy lies aren’t our thing)

• Includes a plain envelope, no bullshit included

• Inside reads: Happy Birthday